PETA

Balaam beat his own ass - that is, Balaam struck his donkey three times. Then the donkey, with, according to Numbers, divine help, began to talk back. This got me thinking in class today, that Balaam should be the new figurehead for PETA.

Then I thought, actually it should probably be the donkey. I mean, if a talking animal could represent the animal kingdom, we could do without all of these psychotic, overemotional activist middlemen. And I'm pretty sure if animals could talk, they'd tell these PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) people how ridiculous they all are. The sheep could tell people, "Hey, you don't have to boycott wool, because shearing wool DOESN'T INVOLVE KILLING OR EVEN HURTING ME. It's kind of like trimming your fingernails. You think I want an eight-inch full-body afro in the summer time anyway?"

Side note: The donkey's publicist informed me that Balaam and his ass have reconciled and continue to have a good, transportative relationship.

Another acronym: PETA - people eating tasty animals
That's what I'm talking about.

You want the last two minutes of your life back, I know. I'm sorry. It was funny in my mind. You have to admit though, people that would rather see an economy collapse than a sheep sheared are just ignoramuses.

Here's to being smarter than animals,
Carsone