St. Schnatty's Day, $@#! Yeah!

The 17th is St. Patty's Day? F*** yeah! Let's get wasted! It's on Saturday too! F***in awesome! Let's get more wasted!

Are you Irish?

What the s*** does that matter? The beer's green? F*** yeah, let's drink more of it!
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July Fourth? S*** yeah! Let's get f***in schnokered! Sam Adams drank beer. Hell he MAKES beer. F***in awesome! Let's get wasted!

Do you know what year claimed independence?

What the &*%$#*$#@#$#* does that matter? They put American flags in the beer? Let's drink the beers AND THE FLAGS!
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Easter? F*** yeah! Let's get wasted! Jesus drank wine. F*** yeah! It's on Sunday? F***in awesome! Let's get more wasted!

Do you know that the Easter bunny is not in the Bible?

What the f*** does that matter? They put Easter Eggs in the beer! Jesus hunted Easter eggs AND he drank wine. I'm toasting to Jesus!
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MLK Day? F*** yeah! Let's get hammered! The beers black? I love black people, let's drink even more beer!

Have you ever read "Letters from Birmingham Jail?"

Why would I read someone else's letters? Forget reading, let's drink some beeeeeeeerrrr! Here's to MLK!
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Labor Day? F*** yeah! Let's get ferschniken! The beer's made by LABORERS! I work too! Let's drink more beer so we can create more job opportunities!

I'm out of questions.

F*** yeah! Labor beer!
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Veterans' Day? F*** yeah! I'm gettin' hammered! My grandfather is a veteran! Here's to Grandpa!

Didn't your grandfather have to stop drinking because he had some liver problems?

Yeah! This one's for Grandpa!
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America doesn't celebrate holidays. America celebrates beer on holidays.